I often wonder why people make me feel good, and why people make me feel bad, and how they are able to do this with little more than their presence.
Of course these are people I know, and not complete strangers. I'd be a Doc Brown-esq, nightmare of an eccentric mess if any old passer-by could affect my mood. However, it can take as little as an introduction and a few words to feel an indescribable comfort with someone. It's an almost physical feeling. The presence of a trusted friend is like wrapping yourself up in a blanket in a cold room.This is nothing new to describe. We all experience this amongst our loved ones, but sometimes we come across those who have very little affect on us at all. They can be perfectly good and interesting people, with plenty in common with you, a good sense of humour, even good looking, but there is simply no.....feeling; for want of a better word.
I used to look at my horoscope in the vague belief that this was some kind of pointer as to who I would get along with. Inevitably I would also look at the horoscopes of any particular woman I was interested in at the time too, just to see if I had a shot. There's a Sagittarian girl I like, but also a Scorpio. Why do I like them so much? I'll have a look at their horoscopes to see why, then I'll know which one to ask out. This tac was inevitably doomed of course, and I would just go for the one who had a better feel. Phnaar, phnaar!
I thought about auras too, for a while. Not visual glows or supernatural rainbow colours emanating from the silhouettes of those I found extra ordinary, but more a feeling in my invisible cat whiskers. Before continuing, I would like to assure any reader that I do not actually believe I have invisible cat whiskers. It's just a metaphor for something I can't explain. Anyway, I found myself comforted with the thought that I was drawn to people with strong auras, and that was that.
Soon though, it became apparent to me that this thought was pretty arrogant and a little narcissistic. Yes, the people I am drawn to are extra special, but they are extra special to me. What sort of person would I be to assume that simply because I don't find someone else particularly interesting, comforting, funny, or of any use whatsoever, that they themselves don't have people in their lives who find them the most intriguing entity they've ever met? After all, I have friends who have very close friends of their own whom I find as mundane as clipping toenails, yet my friend will hold them with rapt attention.
For some time, I believed that I was simply too quick to judge and endeavoured to spend more time and effort getting to know friends of friends, or people I believed I should like more. I spent a couple of years doing this, but came to the conclusion that they were just not my cup of tea. They could be perfectly nice, I could hold a long conversation with them, I could even go out for a drink with them, but they simply didn't have that whisker tickling glow. Yet I new they did for others.
The impression I have currently, is of the inner workings of a complicated pocket watch. Full of delicate cogs of various sizes, but all of equal importance. Some are central, and affect the rotations of many around them. Others may only affiliate with only one or two others. All however, are equally important to the workings of the whole. These cogs are not set in one place, but move around the machine, feeling for other cogs which match their grooves and rotations. Some of these cogs will move around the machine together over time, and their teeth will erode and smooth away to fit each other even more smoothly, until the point is reached where they become integral to one another's workings.
How someone makes me feel, and I them, depends on how we fit together as pieces in existence, and where we are in time and space. Groovy.
